Author: Sage Yomeiri    Editor: Arocks141

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I Didn’t Want to Marry The Prince So I Blew Up the Castle

Hello! You remember me, right? …You don’t? Aww… Well, I should reintroduce myself then. I am Premier Maitresse Lillimort Doloris du Rafale, first daughter of Duc Jean Souhait Doloris du Rafale and Duchesses Felis Muget Doloris du Rafale, elder sister to Deuxieme Maitress Lapis Muget Doloris du Rafale. Eh? That’s a mouthful? Well, it’s my proper noble name. You can just call me Lilli like my Papa, Mama, and my little sister Lapis does. Oh yeah, I have a little sister now. It’s been about seven years since you last contacted me, yanno? I’m 15 and my sister is seven, born a month after I made my first explosion.

Well today’s a typical normal day…is what I wish it was. Instead, I was sentenced to my death. Well, it’s not really my death, but it might as well fucking be.

The morning was a typical day. I had breakfast with Papa, Mama and Lapis, a splendid meal of lettuce soup and coq au vin with flatbread and a plain crepe. After our small family gathering, I went straight to the library of Papa while waiting for the governess. All my teachers have praised me by now, even the governess (the etiquette teacher)who said before I “was a difficult one”. Now I can keep well with the etiquette expected of nobles, since my social debut apparently would be soon.

*slurp*

Beside me is my wonderful sister Lapis, drinking a cup of acol juice. Oh, it’s something like an apple that keeps an amber color to it, quite fitting as the fruit actually matches the color of my sister’s hair. We’ve both inherited the deep azure eyes of our father and the rosy complexion from our mother. Anyhow, my little sister who’s like a kitten that loves her head patted likes to stay close to me a lot. After both of us have our lessons, I don’t have to look far behind me to see her following me silently like an obedient cat or dog. Her stoic face adds to her beauty too; nothing seems to startle her and aside from a light smile from time to time you would think that she’s a perfectly crafted porcelain doll if she stayed still.

Right now I’m reading a book on the history of our kingdom of Commodum. It’s not that there’s a particular need; it’s just that I wanted to figure out why those two princes would grow up to be the dipshits that they are! Actually, I don’t really fucking care about them; it’s too troublesome and I fucking HATE dealing with troublesome things. It’s just maybe, just MAYBE I can nip the bud before it blooms into shitsville.

Ah, while this is going on, I’m having a small golem I created fly around the study room of our manoir. If you look at it, you’d think “yup, this is a fighter jet”. One of the guilty joys I had with that game (the RPG, not the otome part) was that you can not only blow up your enemies, but you can also make golems that can blow up your enemies for you. The designs affect performance so there was a great debate back then on what the best model of golem was. In the end, it ended up a battle between mobile armor and modern weaponry. Personally, I stand on the middle ground between the two factions. Oh why am I letting that thing fly around in the first place? It’s my daily practice in golem creation after all, to the point it’s second nature.
Wouldn’t it be awesome to just suddenly create an army of destruction in front of your enemy’s eyes? Storage magic? I could do that…but I wanna save it for the really big badass boys that’ll make people piss themselves silly that I’d be meticulously making.

The day progressed normally and we had our lunch together. After lunch however is when…

I was summoned to our largest reception here in the manoir. Apparently, a special envoy from the capital came to our Duchy at our manoir. My papa specifically called me to help greet the envoy. In this lavish reception room, made to instill grace and awe…my death was announced.

“Monsieur Duc Jean Souhait Doloris du Rafale and Madame Duchesses Felis Muget Doloris du Rafale.”

The envoy bowed to both my papa and my mama. He then turns towards me. Fuck.

“Premier Maitresse Lillimort Doloris du Rafale, first daughter of Duc Jean Souhait Doloris du Rafale and Duchesses Felis Muget Doloris du Rafale. I bear great tidings from our great Majeste Roi Henri Eleve Feu du Commodum and our great Majeste Reine Lespoir Idest Feu du Commodum. They have decreed that Madame Premier Maitresse Lillimort Doloris du Rafale, first daughter of Monsieur Duc Jean Souhait Doloris du Rafale and Madame Duchesses Felis Muget Doloris du Rafale…”

Oh no…here it comes.

“…Shall become the fiancé of Majeste le Dauphin Prince Heriter Brona Idest Feu du Commodum, first son of our great Majeste Roi Henri Eleve Feu du Commodum and our great Majeste Reine Lespoir Idest Feu du Commodum, effective immediately.”

My mind blanked. Everything became hazy. My parents looked possibly elated. Ah…I feel faint. I think my consciousness flew.

I don’t remember what happened after I woke up. I just know I was in my room, and found myself bawling over on my pillow on top of my bed.

*slurp*

It sounds like little Lapis is near me. I don’t want to let her see my ugly face right now so I just blindly raise my right arm trying to feel for her head to pat. My hand felt the soft hair she has, and I slowly slightly ruffled it up. Haa…this is healing too, isn’t it?

It seems word of me training and excelling beyond the expected abilities of a child or an adult has reached the ears of the famille royale and they earnestly sent that decree, hoping to get my strength and to tie up our Duc permanently with the crown (we are a family of neutral stance).

“Lilli?” Ah, it’s my Papa. I didn’t hear because my door was left hastily open due to my personal femme de menage (maid) running out as soon as I looked like I had recovered it seems. She’s not worth really mentioning, but we have a good relationship. “How are you Lilli?” I felt the bed sink a bit at the side due to my Papa sitting there. He stroked my hair, like he always loves to do. Ah…I can see why my little sister likes it when I do this to her.

“Papa…” I turned around to look at him with my somewhat teary face. “Mama…” My Mama’s there as well. “The news…gave me a fright. I…I don’t feel worthy. In fact, I am fearful of being the fiancé of Majeste le Dauphin. To be burdened with such a responsibility…” Ah, I better look despondent as well.

“Lilli.” Mama spoke up. “You should be happy. To be the fiancé of Majeste le Dauphin and the future Reine. All the girls will be envious of you, to soon be the mother of the nation!”

“But Mama! Papa! I don’t want to fu- be reine!” Fuck! I almost swore out loud!

“Lillimort Doloris du Rafale!!” Ah! She used my full name. Shit! I can’t help but cower towards the bed’s headrest a bit. Papa also stayed his hand. Little Lapis she…well is hugging one of my plush foxes right now. “You should be honored instead! The mother of our nation! The envy of all women! You disgrace me!!”

“Mama!!”

“No more!!” Ah shit! Her magic power is swelling up! You can feel the air prickle with it! I knew Papa was a powerful magician to be the head of the Royal Mages, but apparently even Mama is also a powerful person! “Lillimort Doloris du Rafale, the people of the famille royale will be here tomorrow to teach you how to be reine. You WILL take them, whether you like it or not!”

Ah…she did a full 180 and waved her hand as she crossed the door, the door closing violently behind her due to magic. Ah, that made my heart jolt.

“My precious Lilli…” Papa smiled at me, though with a smile of sadness. “Please understand your Mama. She too became my fiancé at a young age, much younger than you. She knows how you feel. It’s just that…it’s our fate as maison Duc Doloris. As la noblesse, especially as la noblesse Duc, our fate is with the famille royale Fue. As pro-.”

“So Papa, if the famille royale is gone, then I don’t have to become reine?”

My eyes were beaming. My Papa however looked aghast.

“Lilli! No more of this talk! Walls have ears, and we might be called for les majeste if someone hears of it!”

“But Papa-!”

“No buts!” Papa got up, his firm stalwart body looming over me. He’s looking at me sternly, but I can tell by the deep aquamarine eyes he has that he’s pained to do so. Even my Papa’s brown hair is ruffled; perhaps he was also thinking of a way to help me. “No more talk of it.” He gave a glance to my femme de ménage and she quietly left the room, leaving the door closed. After a moment of silence, my Papa relaxed his body and sighed, almost collapsing on the bed as he gave me a deeply affectionate hug. “Lilli, I’m sorry. As Papa, I would be a failure if I don’t consider you feelings. But yes…it would be so if the famille royale vanished. Papa…Papa will think of something, but please bear with this all.”

Papa then got up, not before giving me a kiss on the forehead. Yes…his goatee and moustache are prickly, but I’m not complaining. He gave my sister a pat on the head before he then left the room.

Silence fills my room. No one is here but me. I had reluctantly asked my little sister to leave me. I had also ordered my femme de menage to wait outside my door. Now, while I’m hugging my pillow, I can think straight.

Papa means well, but who’s to say this development hasn’t happened in the original story? There were a lot of supplemental media…which honestly sold like shit. Forums were like “Story? What’s that? Is it tasty lol?” It’s weird of me not to care that much of characters in an otome, but this one really sucked that bad… But yeah, there’s no guarantee this didn’t happen. So that means…this plan my Papa has might fail.

So…I have to take measures into my own hands…but what can I do?? I mean, I have to avoid getting married to that ultra sadist at all costs! I don’t even want to risk hoping that the fated heroine would go target him, or if I can even convince the heroine to go get married to him instead! But…what can I do? The people of la chateau (the castle) are going to come tomorrow, and my hell will fucking begin!

Run away? Where to? Not to mention, they will search for me and drag me the fuck back!
Live as an adventurer? Sure I can do that, but up to what point will that fucking do?! They would STILL find me and drag me back!

Haa…this problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. I’ll be trapped with the sadist prince. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. I don’t want to live tortured forever. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. No BDSM play. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away. This problem won’t go away.

…I have to make it go away. I have to make it go away. I have to make it go away. I have to make it go away. I have to make it go away. I have to make it go away. I have to make it go away. I have to make it go away. I have to make it go away. I have to make it go away. I have to make it go away. I have to make it go away. I have to make it go away. I have to make it go away. I have to make it go away. I have to make it go away.
…Blow it all away. Let’s…blow it all away. Blow it all away… Let’s…blow it all away…
Yeah! Let’s blow it all away~! Papa said so. If the famille royale Feu gets wiped off the map, then I won’t need to be wed to that sadist prince. Good…good. Papa is right. Papa means well.

Tonight is the night. It’s nearly minuit (midnight). Only a few hours before sunrise. I must act now. I forced myself to stay away by repeating that mantra that the famille royal must go boom. It worked, and my mind is clear.

I silently say sorry to my femme de menage while I knock her out with a chokehold while she had her back to me. I’m sorry I have to do this, but for the sake of what I have to do, no one should know what I am up to. This sounds like a cruel thing to do? Ah, it’s alright. She’s one of those battle maids so anything short of a stranglehold wouldn’t knock her out.

Now then, I just need to make haste. For now, it’s time to activate the invisibility spell for a time like this, and…there. The good thing about it is that it covers me AND my clothes; no naked runs in the night ya hear! Now I just need to slowly open my window and-.

“Sister?”

Huh?! I quickly whip my head around and I see my sister Lapis wide awake in the middle of my room. How’d she get in here? She’s cuddling her favorite plush: a white tiger plushie. Never mind that; she’s staring directly at me. I try to move a bit, and her eyes are following me. Woah! I thought I was invisible. A quick check and it seems I still am. My sister…has a lot of talent.

“What are you doing sister?”

“Ah! Uh-umm…I’m umm…” While she looks at me like that with her innocent eyes, it’s impossible for me to tell a lie! Why is my sister so cute?! She’s like a porcelain doll, perpetually with a stoic face yet with a special class of charm. You just can’t help it! “I’m…I’m just going to make the le chateau du roi (king’s castle) go boom.”

“Ohh…okay. Big sister, can I have juice first?”

Eh? Juice? “Lapis, now is not the time-.”

“I’ll scream and wake Mama and Papa up.”

“Okay! Okay…let’s go get some juice.”

“I want acol juice big sister.”

“Alright sister. Come here; let me carry you and then let’s get your juice.”

Well, after a little side trek to the kitchen (and several knocked out sentinelles [guards], NEVER underestimate a noblewoman!) later, I had gone to the hill behind our house. No one really patrols there as it was quite an exposed hill anyways. Why here? Well, it’s because I got a clear shot of la chateau du roi from here!

*slurp*

Lapis is right behind me, sipping up her juice from her personal straw while she holds the tiger plush she loves by the tail in her right hand. Well, it’s not like I wanted to hide this from her anyways.

Now then, for my plan to blow up the chateau, I need a stupidly large cannon made of golems for it. Why? Well, explosion magic can reach much further and has more power the more layers of magic circles you have the magic run through. It’s hard to do if you cast it with your hands (my personal best is 10 layers), but easier when you stack them up onto a magic tool (or golem in this case). That, and I can also use one or two golems to act as the batteries for the main spell so that I don’t collapse and that I can use this thing to fire repeatedly should for some reason the first shot not blow up the le chateau du roi completely.

Now one thing that you should know: although I came from a peaceful country, I got engrossed in studying military equipment and had dreamed of joining the JSDF. Honestly, I didn’t like how history here just skimmed over the Second World War, so I looked into it on my own, and got fascinated by the war machines of the past, and also the war machines of the present. I basically became a war nut.

Why am I explaining this? Well, it’s because I’m going to recreate a giant artillery cannon to pack all the explosion magic circle into. Now you’d think the first thing that comes to mind is the artillery battery of the ship class that carried the ancient name of my former country, but it won’t serve any good here. No, what I’m thinking is those gigantic railway guns that the ally of my former country used. Dora comes to mind, but what I’m going to make is the first one, the Schwerer Gustav. It did its job well, and I clearly remember the dimensions and what it can do.

The first golem will serve as the base: a 48 meter long mobile platform that will also act as the power generator. This is quite massive, and already it’s growing to be larger than the manoir. Ah, I’m sure the sentinelles would start wondering what is going on, but who cares? I will apologize later! I just need to confirm the magic circles configured correctly for drawing in mana, storing mana, and siphoning mana to the next golem. Also I need to affix magic circles down below to help mitigate the inevitable recoil. Ah? You think magic doesn’t create recoil? Sorry, but it does. That’s another reason why I can’t blow up la chateau du roi with just my hands alone, otherwise I would’ve fucking done it myself.

The second golem would be the giant 33 meter cannon that would extend far from the center of the first golem. This I start writing the magic circles for explosion magic into the barrel at fixed intervals. Ahh, I need to fly and affix them onto it. Alright, and here we go. Haa…this is tedious to maintain, so I already removed my invisibility.

*slurp* *slurp*

Lapis is still on the ground sipping her juice as she looked up towards me, still looking unconcerned at the world. Nothing I’ve done ever caused her to have any change in facial expression…and that’s why she is so cute.

I have finished loading it all with magic circles as the lights of the manoir flickered to life. Ah, I must hurry!

Now the last golem: a seat on the side of the barrel which allows me to aim the cannon and control both the first and second golem. I made it so it’s complete with night vision and zoom in function. Now la chateau du roi isn’t lit up at night like one might think it would, so it’s essential I’ll be able to see it and be absolutely certain that I’m blowing up the right thing.
Okay, my preparations are complete. All that’s left is to-.

“By the divines, what is the meaning of this?! Lilli?!”

Ah? I thought I heard papa? I must be mistaken. Well, the cannon’s fully charged up, and now all that’s left is to aim by stepping on the pedals at my feet and center the chateau in the crosshairs with the steering column.

“Lillimort Doloris du Rafale!! You stop this at once!!”

Now I’m hearing my mama. Ah, I feel more magic in the air. Good, good! Now for this grand moment, I need to take a deep breath and then…

“SCREW YOU, YOU SHITTY SADISTIC PRINCE!! SCREW BEING YOUR FUCKING FIANCE!! JUST BE A GOOD BOY AND-.”

PRESS THE BUTTON!!!

“EXPLODE!!!”

Many people were shouting as the magical Schwerer Gustav roared to life, recoiling immensely and discharging the energy below as a shockwave of mana. The explosion magic I’m so proud of flies out of the cannon, condensed many, many times into a bright white light that streaks across the sky, turning night into day as it flies true towards la chateau du roi! The chateau takes a direct hit and starts to glow bright like the sun as the magic takes its effect. This light soon got so bright that it blurred out the chateau and expanded into a large dome of bright light.

“This…this is…true…art~~!”

I can feel my body heating up as the shockwave visibly scatters down from the capital to the surrounding territories. This bright light dims as it gathers dust and rise up, turning into something else. The giant mushroom cloud looms up above, as if the heavens agree with this glorious splendor.

“I…I feel wet…”

I feel greatly euphoric, as my body is awash in splendor that I’ve never felt before! Ah! This is so satisfying! I must thank the just recently deceased famille royale for helping me awaken into this new realm!

“Lillimort Doloris du Rafale…what have you done!”

Ah, that really is my mother! I swivel off my chair, careful not to hit my sister Lapis. …Come to think of it, how DID she get up onto this 12 meter platform? No matter. Well, I guess I have to face my mama. She’s looking at me like a woman possessed, hurling magic upon magic at me. She’s clearly trying to disable me, but unfortunately for mama, I’ve worked really hard these past years in learning magic that if I ever get caught up in one of my multi-circle explosions, I won’t get hurt. With that in mind, her spells end up simply as beautiful lights and colors.

Papa is here as well, kneeling on the ground, looking at me dumbfounded. …He’s not trying to stop me? I know papa is much more powerful than mama so maybe he could stop me. Perhaps the shock has gotten over him.

“Lilli…did you just do what I think you just did?”

“Papa? Isn’t it great?” I’m practically beaming still as bolts of lightning dance around me before sizzling out, courtesy of mama of course. Unfortunately my onesies aren’t spared from damage as they’re torn everywhere from the magic onslaught. …It’s a good thing there’s not much to look at. “With la chateau du roi gone, and the famille royale extinct, I don’t have to marry Majeste le Dauphin!”

“Haa…” Papa still can’t believe it. All our sentinelles are also at a loss of what to do. Of course they would; there’s no danger since we’re all famille Doloris here, but then again there’s this big ass giant artillery cannon that made the monarchy go kaput!

MY CHATEAU!!!” Suddenly I heard another voice amongst the crowd. A little boy, about my size, strong-arms his way out of the crowd of onlookers and stares out at the dimming mushroom cloud. “MAMA!! PAPA!!” He then turned towards me. “WH-WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!! WHAT HAS THE FAMILLE ROYALE DONE TO DESERVE THIS?!”

“Lilli…” My dad looked seriously aggrieved. “You hated being the fiancé so much that you did this?! Why?! We could’ve just-.”

“WAIT!!” The young boy who was both angry and full of tears turned towards my papa, and then to me. “You did THIS because you did not want to be my fiancé?!” My eyes widened in surprise. This petite boy…could it be?

“You are… Majeste le Dauphin?”

“YES YOU VILE WOMAN!!”

“…Fu…”

I bent over, touching the base of the cannon. So the prince lived. He was here the whole time and I didn’t realize. Probably he was excited to meet me so he came here with his entourage some time while I was sulking.

“…Fufufu…”

How stupid can I get? It seems my problem hasn’t gone away. In fact, it has increased many times instead …So troublesome.

“…Fwahahahaha!”

I arc my back, laughing at the heavens. The problem didn’t go away. However…this is an opportunity to deal with it. Fate did not want the prince to die to an explosion at la chateau. However, can fate save the prince from dying in an explosion right fucking HERE?! I looked at the prince and smiled WIDELY from my perch up on the artillery platform.

“I hate troublesome things. I don’t like dealing with troublesome things. Troublesome things should go boom.”

I quickly load multiple magic circles into my right hand. My limit seems to have been broken as I’ve got FIFTEEN magic circles layered in front of my palm. My father’s eyes go wide as the prince for the first time looked fearful. Ah, how cute~ He fell on his rear and wet himself~.

“Lilli! STOP AT ONCE!!” My papa’s trying to raise defensive spells for this shitty prince. However papa…compared to you with years of experience, how would you fare against someone who mastered this magic to a degree like no other?! You should’ve tried to disable me instead!! Just like mama who looks absolutely exhausted now!

*slurp*

My dear sister is still watching on the sidelines. She chose the right choice to be on top of this platform. Unlike me who is now in tattered rags and is barely even safe, her clothes are intact. She’s just stoically looking at mama, with her tiger plushie still in her hand.

“HAVE YOU NOT COMMITTED LES MAJESTE ENOUGH LILLIMORT?!” The prince shouted out as the sentinelles of his try and go to defend him. Ours don’t act though. A wise choice~!

“LES MAJESTE THIS!!” I turn my hand into a fist, condensing all fifteen magic circles at once into a dense magic circle sandwich, pulling my arm back and then lunging forward, stamping my right foot down in front of me as I pivot to punch out towards the direction of the prince.

“EXPLOSION!!!”

Today’s going to be a good day~!

*slurp* *slurp*