I Didn’t Like What I Didn’t Like So I Blew It Up – Chapter 1

Author: Sage Yomeiri    Editor: Arocks141

---

Support us by turning off ad-block! Join Yado Inn’s Discord to join the community!

This story is written by Sage Yomeiri (with, perhaps some inputs by Arocks141). Show your appreciation in the form of positive comments and maybe, just maybe, some activity in the discord chat!

---

I Didn’t Want to Deal With the Plot, So I Learned How to Blow it Up

Have you ever been so frustrated with the way things are going that you pondered and pondered and pondered over the idea of just blowing everything up before coming to the perfectly logical conclusion of: ‘Screw it, let’s do it’? I am Premier Maitresse Lillimort Doloris du Rafale, first daughter of Duc Jean Souhait Doloris du Rafale and Duchesses Felis Muget Doloris du Rafale…and I have had that idea.

I…well just call me Lilli. My parents and my sister call me that. Well, this bright, brilliant, colorful (and somewhat violent) tale of mine began, as most others do, one fine day. Well, calling it a fine day is basically bullshit because I feel like I’m fucking burning up. Nothing like a fever to remind you how your life’s going to suck.

Eh? How do I know? C’mon, I’m sure you’ve read countless stories like this so I don’t wanna explain anymore.

…Okay, fine. I might as well do it. Mind got jolted awake to that fact that I got reincarnated. There, happy? I lived another life prior to this as a Japanese lady who loved otome games. I’m sure you figured out the next part. Yeah, I realized by my name that I got reborn into the last game I played, and the problem is that I got reborn as one of the rivals of the heroine. Specifically, in the future, I’d be married off to the crown prince. Sounds great? NOT!

The game I got reincarnated into, whose title I’d be half-assed to tell you is reputed to be the worst otome made by this specific game company that makes great otome games. The dialogues are glitchy, the story’s convoluted, and the worst part of it is that all the capture targets are fucking sickos! No amount of eye candy is going to save that!

I mean, you’ve got the merchant whose fucking obsessed with money and you only find out once you’re guaranteed you’re going to capture him, and your good end is being treated as a fucking mistress in a fucking huge harem of a hundred girls! And you weren’t even the first! Fuck that!

The gallant knight you can romance turns out to be a fucking control freak that at the end of the day keeps you locked up in a shitty house because “only I can have you and no other”. You’re basically trapped forever inside a house with a fucking yandere knight never to step out or look at another fucking person in the eyes other than him at all!

The second prince that you can go after is a total masochistic fuckwad! All the lines in capturing him is sprouting abuse at him, and the good ending have you two into fucked-up kinky BDSM play, complete with horses and candles!

And the worst offender…is supposed to be my fiancé in the future. Majeste le Dauphin Prince Heriter Brona Idest Feu du Commodum. The Crown Prince. He looks to be the perfect prince, of great charisma and grace. However…this guy is a total fucking sadist! You only get to find out at the end how much of a manipulating bastard he is when his ending CG starts up with him readying up for BDSM play, and he’s the one with the fucking whip! It doesn’t help you hear the heroine gasp and moan as well to it! Why the flying hell did they make that guy into this kind of character! And now I run the risk of me getting married to said fuckwit!

“NO! NO! NO! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!”

Just remembering it made me scream on reflex, and now my servants (maids) are rushing out to call my Papa and Mama. Well I fucked up. So while I wait for the unnecessary, over-the-top pampering to begin, let me tell you more of it, because there IS a silver lining to this tale.

I said this game is the worst otome made by that game company, but it is also one of the most EPIC RPGs out there too. You might be wondering why, right? Well, this game company tried to transition into making an RPG and apparently this game was a test to bridge it for the fans of the company. Well it was a total fuck-up in the otome regard, but they got a NEW fanbase just because of how free the RPG element of the game is.

You had your typical stats and what-not, and then a specialized skill, item, and magic creation system. I kid you not. From the start you can create a seriously wicked combo of slashes, punches and kicks, items that can basically resurrect you from the get go, and even magic to make things EXPLODE! The only limit was your MP, and this could be steadily trained in-game. Ya needed to master it, since there were several events in-game that required you to have sufficient strength to get through, especially with the country you’re in is at war.

Yes, the supposed lovey-dovey time at the Academy was also during an active war. There even is an ending known in-game as the ‘Neutral Ending’ but every fan recognizes as the TRUE ending where you manage to defeat the invading general. Ludicrous to think a peppy teenage girl can take an army down, but it’s required. You get treated to a CG…then a curbstomp appears with an event versus a DRAGON of all things. It’s so bad that it’s the holy grail of the forums was to figure out how to effectively and efficiently defeat this final boss with the limited time of level and MP grinding you have at all.

The crafting element was so good that there were modders out there who modded OUT the otome elements and made it to be more of an RPG (I personally was a fan of this). Now we had all the time to study and learn the limitations…and what we found out was that there were LITTLE limitations at all! The crafting system allowed you to even make firearms (albeit magic ones). The skill system let you make endless killer combos (as long as you had the MP), and the magic system was so varied you got magic ranging from meteor strikes, flash freezing, up to destruction beams and (my personal favorite) EXPLOSIONS!!

With that, the forums finally got past the dragon, up to the enemy kingdom, and it looked like we were finally able to get to a non-standard ending that we could be proud of. Then the hidden final boss battle happened, and all efforts that people had up to this point got wiped.

Invincibility? Sorry, you get one-shot.

Resurrection? Okay, you revive. Enjoy dying again.

Summoning your own army of end-game monsters to deal with it? Enjoy watching every one of them get one-shot by an AoE that breaks the damage cap. Oh, and you die as well.

Attempt to engage them from the other side of your own kingdom with a mountain-shattering rifle (the forums were in frenzy when someone found out this can be done). Shot hits, 1 damage, and you get blown up no matter how perfectly you designed the stealth skill you had! And you still die.

It was the biggest NOPE there is, and people say it took the form of a little girl! They only say so: screenshots only show a blurry model due to multiple effects people are still looking into, but the size does show it’s of a little girl. You never even get to see her name, but the fans have dubbed her “OP Imouto”. Even at the time I died in that life, no one was able to deal any significant damage to her. However people managed to check the source code, and her stats aren’t actually at counter-stop, just really close to it. Her skills, equipment and spells have been analyzed and people are thinking of methods to break through her…Too bad I died before we could finally bring down OP Imouto.

Well, let the protagonist take care of that. I need to take care of my OWN problems. Luckily I seem to have a LOT of time to learn so I better make use of it, fast! I’m the maitress (lady) of a house of Duc (Duke), so I should be able to get someone to teach me the fundamentals and then work on my own!

But first, this dipshit of a fever has got to fucking go away! Ugh! I know I should be thankful that it woke up my past memories but fuck that!

—–

Hey! Good news! I’m eight years old now! Yay! I also got several teachers! More yay! …Huh? It’s a minus instead? Well, I agree with you on the etiquette teacher; noble training is so damn boring and tedious! But I’m talking about the magic teacher! Oh yeah!

“Now Maitress Lillimort, please let us just focus on the fundamentals.”

My teacher, a prestigious magician that my father had contracted was earnestly trying to make me slow down in my studies. You see, it’s just the fifth day since he came here, and I already got the knack of all the basic magic.

“But I want to learn more advanced magic! Especially about explosion magic!”

“H-how do you know about that?!”

I think I got him off guard. Well, it’s not like I actually NEED him to teach me the rest. I mean, I HAVE memorized what can be summed up as the essential magic for the end-game and how to make em, while dabbling onto some other stuff that interests me. So yeah, I KNOW about those advanced magics and the methods of their spell construction so I don’t actually need him anymore. This just…well no one would think it’s suspicious if someone did indeed try to teach me them anyways.

“How rude! I am a proper lady and I have been studious in my spare time!”

Ah, I have to maintain the speech and decorum the etiquette teacher, that governess, taught. It’s quite irritating that the only place for me to really honestly speak my mind is IN my fucking mind.

“M-my apologies Maitress Lillimort, but we should-.”

“Will you not? Well then. I might as well try on my own now!”

Okay, time to give him a scare. Let’s make explosion magic, but the wrong way. This hilly area behind the house is the perfect place anyways for us, with no risk of people getting caught in the blast. Now to first create the magic circle of fire in my left hand and the magic circle of frost in my right.

“Ma-ma-maitress! Please no! Don’t!”

Ah yes, he’s panicking. What I’m doing will indeed create the catalyst for an explosion, but at the way I’m doing it will just cause an explosion on me. Then spread both arms away from me and get ready to clap! Oh by the way, explosion magic IS created with the two being layered and with some other technical stuff that I’d be half-assed to explain to you.

“OKAY!!!”

Oh, he finally caved in! The two magic circles were really close to colliding now. Any more and I would’ve caused an explosion centered on me. My bluff worked splendidly! Now that I’ll be getting my way, this guy will take all the credit for teaching me all the dangerous stuff in the future.

Needless to say, I was scolded splendidly by my Papa and my Mama, but sacrifices have to be made for my peace of mind. Now all I need to do now is to continuously use up my MP, faint, and do it over and over without anyone noticing for as long as I can. Oh, that reminds me: I still need to ask for Papa and Mama for a battle instructor and someone who can teach me how to craft items. I just need to shower my parents with affection and they’ll do it!

It’s wonderful being the villainess who was doted on for so long.

Oh, I gave that teacher of mine a shock with my very first explosion. Apparently, I got too excited and added twice as more oomph than what he did. Oops. …I think he may need a change of robes.