Translator: Pinky Editor: anirhapsodist
Prologue – Part 1 of 2
It’s fine — I could die at any moment.
After all, the scum who ran away from his youth, is only worth this much.
When I’ve heard of what’s left of my life at the hospital, I felt doubtful. I was lost in reverie.
A doctor, dressed in white, brought the gloomy mood. From listening to a long speech that felt like an eternity, and even after leaving the medicine-smelling, four-cornered examination room, it just didn’t sink in. It felt like it was nothing.
I can’t afford smartphone bills, not by myself. Nonetheless, I was checking the latest in social media and anime news. While seated on the passenger side of the mini-truck, I was in a world of my own.
Oops. I almost forgot to do the daily quests. Shall I do the campaign right now? The upcoming event will be difficult if I don’t grind levels.
It would be the fall anime season soon…. Yet, I haven’t caught up with the summer lineup.
Day after day after day, endlessly. They are the only things in my head, well of course, except when I’m asleep.
Though my life has already been decided ─ there was no significant change whatsoever in my already low self-esteem.
“You stupid son. How hard is it to start the engine and turn on the heating unit?”
The door on the driver side should’ve been locked, or so I thought when a grumpy lady entered.
She had long wavy rose-brown hair riddled with bed hair and a pair of sparkling earrings. Wearing faded jeans and a men’s down vest, she places her slightly dirty sneaker’s sole on the truck’s pedal.
I continued playing on my smartphone, eyes planted on its LCD screen and said “Where have you been?”. I asked the woman in her 40’s… I mean, my mom.
“Oh! I bought coffee and meat buns from the convenience store.”
“What took you so long…?”
“Shut up. It’s only been about a couple of minutes.”
Nope, it was like fifteen minutes, but my childish mother kept on insisting.
Her overbearing words and wry facial expression made me experience her being a delinquent in her younger years.
She turned the headlights on, started the engine, then set the car heating. Afterwards, she opened the bag from the convenience store and offered me a meat bun.
“Take one. Eat it while being grateful to your kind mother.”
“I didn’t bring any money.”
“I’m not expecting anything. You never paid anything for me. Who do you think settled the bill for today’s consultation?”
I sniggered. Deep inside, I was at a loss for words.
I divided in the bun in two; took a bite while getting a facial from its fragrant steam.
Food bought by others is rather tasty. Your miserable, wretched and negative vibes will considerably regress. Guys, avoid meat buns offered by your parents. Also, using their money for social network games is a grave sin.
After my mother finished her meal, she shifted the gear and resumed on driving the mini-truck. However, just as when we started to depart from the hospital’s parking lot──
“Whoa!? Ugh!? Wh- Wh- What happened!?”
The engine began to stall!!
It jerked a lot and all I could do was sigh. It eventually stalled and we found ourselves looking at the dashboard.
Stalling, I experienced it from driving school, but mom was so used to driving MTs – driving them on a daily basis… it was my first to witness her stall.
“…. Oh come on… give me a break.”
“Tch, shut up. Just get over it.”
I’d be beaten the crap out of myself if I complain further. She’s clicking her tongue and her eyes looked like those of a beast. All hell might break loose, so I’ll keep my mouth sealed for the time being.
Finally, the car starts properly. She grabbed the steering wheel and drove us home.
“……Hey mom,”
“What is it? Don’t tell me you’re feeling sick?”
While I drown myself in guilt to my mother who rarely worries about me,
“It took us great efforts to make it to the city, so please, let’s visit TATSUYA.” (TL: *TSUTAYA reference?)
“Huh? Let me toss you out of the window!”
With both palms together, I bowed my head. She eventually gave in and took me to the rental shop. Somehow, she’s sweet and affectionate, but she doesn’t look good when she’s grumpy.
We bought manga and game software using her money, then rushed to leave the city center because she’ll be driving back home early.
After a forty-minute drive, the scenery shifted to paddy fields and forests. Rice harvesting season was almost over. Most of the paddy fields were drained of water and now wear an earthy color. There were no chain stores, only a few privately owned shops, cafeterias and small lodging inns.
It’s chilly if you don’t put on an outerwear. It gave me goosebumps – the warmth of sunshine on my face peeking from the clouds, autumn insects singing, dried grass lining the side of the road and vivid leaves from the autumn trees covering the local tracks…..This scene, this feeling, this color, they’re all so nostalgic.
”Hey! Old man Aizawa! Can you help me harvest the rice?”
Mother began chatting after opening the window by the driver’s seat, matching the pace of the combine harvester along the road. The old man resides in the same neighborhood, that’s why they get to talk to each other in a loose-lipped manner.
I bent down and hid myself as much as I could, because really didn’t want to show myself. A person who’s jobless need not expose himself to the locals.
“Matsumoto’s son, I haven’t seen you for a long time!
Aah, you’re staying at home without a job right? You’ve come up with some plans?”
I guess it’s easy for me to become a topic of conversation in this society.
In the midst of thinking about whatever that came across my mind, we arrived at this bungalow house. Mom gently rotated the keys anticlockwise, shutting off the car’s engine, and then pulled back on its hand-brake lever.
“Hey… are you willing to undergo surgery?”
The person who was so ever cheerful moments ago, suddenly asks in a subdued tone. Asking as though there’s something stuck at the back of her throat.
“I haven’t decided yet. Give me some time to consider.”
“…Understood.”
I was on the verge of beasting it out, but suddenly, I was confused by her superficial reaction. She opened the driver’s door and quickly entered our house.
Mom, I’ll think about it carefully ── Don’t worry.
There was a lingering scent of tobacco. Probably from the person who was driving a little while ago. Although her appearance and behavior is likened to a delinquent, she’s never into smoking and drinking alcohol.
In fact, she never enjoyed it. No – maybe once, I faintly recall.
I wonder when. My dad died of an illness back then when I was young. I think it was around that time. She cried endlessly until her eyelids were swollen.
Well, it’s no use to try and force myself to remember.
I entered my room where the games and manga were scattered. I shut the curtains though it was early afternoon. I rolled to bed and read the manga I bought.
After I finish this manga, I’ll play games up to the wee hours of the morning… this has been my routine, killing time using entertainment to fill my void.
How am I in an excellent composure right now?
I might get irritated if I don’t pull a rare in gacha, notice the smell of tobacco, and remember the past. Still, it feels so nostalgic to be back in town.
Do you think it’s the same for everyone else? What can you say about it?
Even if I undergo surgery, there’s only a 30% chance that I’ll survive in 5-years. Removing it completely is no longer possible, and if nothing is done, I’ll lose my life within half to a years’ time.
I’m eating without working, wasting time on games and the internet, poop and sleep whenever want. There’s no need to be hospitalized or have my life extended.
It’s useless to make a worthless person who doesn’t even have a job spend his parent’s valuable fruit of labor.
I’m Matsumoto, Shuu.
Male and a 20 year old jobless shut-in.
I have no goals, no aspirations, no hobbies to devote to, no minimum tax obligations either, so it’s safe to say that my existence can just vanish without a trace.
No matter how they prolong my life, it’s already terminal. They’re only delaying the inevitable for this meaningless life.
That’s why it’s fine — I could die at any moment.
After all, the scum who ran away from his youth, is only worth this much.
＊＊＊＊＊＊
“Are you feeling well today…?”
The next day── I woke up early afternoon in my poorly-lit room.
There was no particular change in my physical condition, I woke up late which is no different from usual. About a week ago, I suddenly had a bad headache, was throwing up, which prompted me to get a thorough check-up.
At first, I regarded it only as mental stress because the job offer I got at the factory, through an endorsement by a neighbor was fast approaching.
When I consulted a doctor for a medical exam right before joining the company, they gave me a referral to visit the general hospital in the city, which led to yesterday’s results. In the midst of it all, the factory declined me the job.
“Graveyard shifts, three shifts in a day, 40-hours overtime… It’s going to shorten your life…”
Such silly excuse for someone like me whose life has been capped. For now, I’ll need to brush-up on my escape habits if I get to stay at my parent’s home for the next six months.
Why do I need to be held for 9-hours a day, 5 days a week or more? Even on holidays. It’s too taxing to go on company retreats or go drinking with your colleagues.
Anyway, I won’t get a white collar job that easily. The reason why I dropped out of college will be probed, and to tell you the truth, if they tell me that the payout and holidays are attractive, I’ll never fall for it. Even if it’s work so you can live a normal life… I won’t understand what that means. For me, it’s no use to go on living.
I went to the kitchen and on the table was a wrapped egg and rice meal. One of the dishes my mom cooks that men were dying for. Well actually, she also loved it herself. Crumbly grains of rice wrapped in golden eggs and the savory flavor of charred oil will surely stimulate one’s appetite. Fried rice made by a yanki truly is the best…. Without a doubt.
“Iori-san, I’m leaving the milkー”
I heard the voice of a middle-aged man from the front-door. My parent’s acquaintance. He might have mistakenly took a presence in the kitchen for my mother. She works during the daytime, so she’s not here.
Well, in my case, I can pretend to be out. And as much as possible, I don’t want to get involved with the neighbors.
I blended myself to the kitchen and held a deep breath. If I’m found, that would be bothersome. Hurry up, leave, go home already. Put down that bottled dairy that you’re holding and get out of here.
“Oh, is that you Shuu-kun? You’ve grown a lot.”
Oh, I’ve been found. He has good eyes. We’ll I couldn’t ignore it anymore since the kitchen was visible from the entrance, so I lazily went to the front door.
I bowed slightly and gave a bland greeting to the ossan whom I could hardly remember.
“I heard from Iori-san that you went to a university in Tokyo, but are you returning home now?”
“Sorry… I dropped out. I returned home around six months ago.” I answered with a bitter smile.
“Ah, that’s right. It heard it was a prestigious university that was even popular here in the countryside. Anyway, you’re still young, and it won’t be as bad if you take a break back here at home.”
“Yup, I thought I’ll take it slow and look for a job.”
“We only have Japanese-style inns and factories here in this cold region. Much more, it will be hard to work in the suburbs if you don’t own a car.”
As I’ve expected, It’s really hard for me to say that I’m a hiki-NEET… and on the other hand, even if I make up a story, it will eventually be found out through my mom, so I have no choice but to disclose it in the most acceptable manner, given the current situation.
With cloudy eyes devoid of life, slightly overgrown unshaven beard, hair that nearly touches the shoulder and a dirty sleepwear… I can say with all confidence that you can extract from me the rich broth of a NEET.
By the way, ossan has already retired, and at present, he’s currently into agriculture and milk deliveries.
Do the people who were in their middle-ages back when I was a child, now old enough to be conscious of their second life…?
“Did you get in touch with my son? Does he know that Shuu-kun is at his parent’s home?”
“No, I believe I didn’t do so. He’s going to bother me all the time, so please don’t tell him.”
“I understand! I’m free whenever, so once you’ve settled down, drop by anytime. You’re right, kids are on the peak of their youth that sometimes you can’t avoid some sort of trouble! He’s our precious and adorable ~ grandchild, so he was really pampered. Did you know, my grand~”
When he mentioned a grandchild being doted upon, I was reduced to give nothing but forced smiles.
After a few minutes of idle talk, Ossan, the milkman, jumped on his bike, and fled to his next delivery point.
I got tired all of a sudden… It’s punishing to talk for more than a minute if you’re a NEET… Unlike Tokyo, where socializing within the neighborhood is non-existent, the locals here can start a conversation thoughtlessly without any concerns. This is going to be difficult.
After lining up the bottles of milk that I received in the fridge. I turned on the TV instead of BGM’s for lunch. However, during this time of day, only drama replays and variety shows are the ones being aired.
I switched to my preferred channel when something caught my eye in the entertainment news section of the variety show.
I was caught by surprise. The face and name of a person whom I should’ve cut ties with ── was displayed on the LED screen.
“Really~ I was surprised at her unexpected break from the industry. It was announced that was due to some mental or emotional issues, but… what actually happened to the girl in her stardom?”
Those were the words from the reporter in the special feature. As I held my breath, eyes glued to the screen, my lunch was completely interrupted.
A song continued to play, and the singing voice roused my eardrums.
Suddenly, it struck me where it hurts.
“Is it possible that she was struggling with the terms given by the record label? She’s still in college, so maybe she’s still not ready to enter the professional music industry? That’s how I see it.”
“Compared to her indie era, many of her fans seemed a little tired these days. It’s a real pity that we can’t hear such wonderful voice.”
I really get annoyed by commentators who gives conjecture, biases, and their own cherished opinion. They’re just people who know nothing, paid to do whatever they please on a tasteless environment.
Anyway, it doesn’t matter to me whatever they say. There should be no reason. But it’s funny how an outsider gets frustrated by a story. I don’t know. I already broke ties with ── “her”. But nevertheless, why show up like this.
In my eyes, in my ears, in my mind… burnt vestiges and memories came back.
A singer-songwriter with the stage name SAYANE, the MV of a live performance shot on a huge venue, her achievements since she became independent. And the unknown me, who became a stranger.
She had solo concert tours on major cities, 10-thousand people attending free concerts on tourist destinations, and a crazy following entranced by her career.
“……….”
Put-off, I turned off the TV in a rage.
“Hey, are you okay? Your face looks pale.”
Suddenly, I saw my mom who stood by kitchen entrance wearing plain work clothes and a mesh cap which means she’s still in the middle of work.
I was watching TV, so I didn’t notice that she came to see me.
“Yes, I’m fine. I was just thinking about something.”
“Haa, don’t scare me like that, you stupid son. I went out of my way just to see you.”
“Ahaha. Sorry. Did you come to see me because you were worried about how I was doing?
“Well of course… you might incidentally collapse when I’m not here, you know? I can easily come to see you during lunch or break time.”
Mom breathed a sigh of relief. She used a truck from the nearby gas station and parked it at the road shoulder near our house. Her job is to sell kerosene and exchange empty propane tanks.
To some extent, they have a flexible time since it’s the only gas station in the area. (Though they might just be managers and colleagues who are submissive to her.)
“Come to think of it. I heard from Kanno-san who exchanged an empty tank of gas──”
Mom claps her hands as if she had remembered something.
“That girl is coming back home.”
“Uhm, That girl?”
I’ve got a bad feeling. Instincts tell me.
“You watched the entertainment news didn’t you? It looks to me that she’s taking a break.”
I saw it a while ago. I just saw the same, exact topic. The variety show seemed to be busy with the special feature.
“It’s decided Kiriyama, Sayane-chan is coming back.”
Sigh, I want to disappear quickly in this world.
After holding out for so long, what definitely awaits me is punishment game that would drag on for an eternity.
Thanks for the chapter!