Pervy Healer – Chapter 25

Translator(s): Yomigaeru    Editor(s): Yuzuha    Proofreader(s): Yomigaeru    TLC(s): Shiru

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Bathing.

Yuel stabs a Goblin in the throat. The Goblin collapses and vanishes into particles of light.
We’re on the 3rd floor of the labyrinth. After buying back the hospital yesterday, we’re in the labyrinth to earn money. Why are we still doing that now that we have the hospital? Because no customers are coming.
From morning till noon, I waited for patients at the hospital, but not a single person showed up.
Yep, not a single one.
It’s not like I can’t understand why. The fact that we raised our treatment prices back to market value, and that it was temporarily closed, probably caused it. The customers that previously went out of their way for the low prices no longer have any reason to, and the regular customers have left due to the closure. We may have raised the prices, but only to the market value. So customers living in the neighborhood might return eventually, but that could take some time. We have to make it appear like it’s not going out of business.
Eris repaid her debt so it’s not like we desperately need to earn money, but with so few patients there’s no point in me being there. It should be fine to leave all the hospital-related matters to Eris for a while.
Accordingly, Yuel and I are exploring the labyrinth together. In the labyrinth, we can earn a steady income without relying on customers. Eventually, if we can organize a Huge Slime hunt with Eight and Geyser, it should be more profitable. Besides, if the hospital never gets more patients, I’ll end up paying for Eris’ living expenses via the labyrinth. Since she has a strong sense of responsibility, she’ll most likely feel obligated to pay me back somehow. When that time comes I’ll absolutely request for her to do so with her body.
And that’s why Yuel and I are hunting Goblins. Since it was already afternoon when we entered the labyrinth, I don’t plan to go as far as the 7th floor today. Earn a little, praise Yuel a lot, drink at the tavern a little, observe the miniskirt waitress a lot, then head back to the hospital. That’s the kind of feeling I’m going with.
I take a skewer out of my item box and munch on it as we stroll through the labyrinth.
Yuel’s movements have become increasingly sharp lately. I wonder if it’s because her physical condition has improved now that her nutritional balance is better? Yuel continues to dispatch the Goblins, and not even a single monster makes it past her in my direction. The difficulty level of the 3rd floor is like taking a walk at this point.
I pet Yuel’s head when she runs over with the drops. Yuel bashfully accepts my hand as it strokes her head.
Speaking of petting, I had nothing to do while I was waiting for patients at the hospital, so I amused myself by petting Yuel over and over while showering her with compliments. Eris was watching with a delicate expression. If I’m too affectionate with Yuel when we’re at the hospital, Eris might label me as a lolicon. So in order to have some skinship with Yuel without being judged, labyrinth exploration time is still necessary.
「Master, there’s something up ahead.」
While I’m thinking about such things, Yuel suddenly speaks up.
「What is it?」
「Umm, in the distance… it looks like a box.」
Box. Box… treasure chest.
So it’s finally arrived? How many weeks has it been since I first entered the labyrinth? Finally, my time has come!
Treasure chests. There are various theories, such as they’re bait that the labyrinth produces in order to lure people in, or a result of the labyrinth’s magic accumulating within the possessions of bygone adventurers, but they usually contain valuable gems, catalysts, magic tools and so on. Of course the contents vary widely, but among them is a crystal that shatters in your stead when you receive a fatal attack, a magic tool that draws in mana from the air to produce an infinite supply of water, and other magic tools that are worth enough money to fill an entire house and then some. They’re synonymous with getting rich quick.
I look in the direction that Yuel’s pointing, and there’s definitely something there that resembles a box.
As I approach, the labyrinth’s stone floor rises unnaturally and forms the shape of a box. Its structure is simple, and it doesn’t seem to require a key. Many games include monsters that mimic chests or chests with traps inside, but I haven’t heard of anything like that at the adventurer’s guild.
With a heart full of expectation, I carefully open the lid…
「…A pistol?」
There’s a 20cm-long pistol-shaped object inside. No, it’s a bit different from a pistol. It’s shaped like the letter L and made out of some sort of glossy, inorganic material.
「Piss toll…? Master, do you know what it is?」
Looking at the magic tool in my hand, Yuel questions me eagerly.
This magic tool. It looks a lot like a pistol, but it’s not one. On top of it having no trigger or hammer mechanism, the form is slightly rounder. Of course, I don’t have any idea what this actually is, but–
「For something like this, I can tell with just a glance.」
「…! Amazing, Master is incredible!」
Yuel is innocently delighted upon hearing my words. I can feel a tinge of reverence in her eyes.
That’s right, I’m a brilliant master who knows everything. At least, in front of Yuel.
It’s not entirely a lie this time. I have my Appraisal skill. It should turn this lie into the truth.
「Yuel, this magic tool is…」
Then, I activate Appraisal.

Magic Tool
Properties: Emission - Water

「…It’s a squirt gun, ain’t it?」

I point the muzzle at a Goblin and fill the tool with mana. A stream of comfortably warm water raises wisps of steam as it arcs gently toward its target. The warm water makes a splashing sound as it washes the dirt off the Goblin’s body.
The muzzle velocity of the warm water is about the same as a fully-open faucet. Looks like it feels pretty good for the Goblin, too.
「It’s useless after all, huh. I was hoping maybe something like boiling water or a waterjet cutter would come out, though…」
This magic tool only spits out water when you fill it with mana, apparently.
It seems that the temperature of the water can be adjusted to some extent, by about 50 degrees as far as I can tell with my hand. The force with which it comes out is the same as a fully-open water faucet. As a result of various tests, putting in more mana doesn’t seem to increase the temperature or the force. In other words…
「A hot water dispenser?」
It’s not useful for offense in any way.
「Diss pen sir?」
Yuel asks as she finishes slitting the now-clean Goblin’s throat.
「Umm, it’s a magic tool you put in a bath.」

We visit the tavern then return to the hospital. That’s right, Eris’ hospital doesn’t have a hot water source. I would’ve rather obtained a magic tool that allows me to fight, but this could be useful in its own way.
I’ll use this magic tool to heat the bath.
Magic tools from the labyrinth are supplied with mana directly by their user, and there are many different types of magic that they can invoke. Compared to the artificial magic tools that use processed magic stones as fuel, the ones from the labyrinth are more compatible with someone who has a lot of mana like me. It might be a bit hard to use for Eris with her average level of mana, but my supply is limitless. I’ll have Eris pay the toll afterwards for using the hot water.
Then when I’m about to jump into the bath… naturally, a problem arises.
「I-If possible I want to go in together with Master.」
When I go to enter the bath and Yuel casually follows behind me, Eris objects. I get a feeling of déjà vu.
「Yuel-chan, bath time is no good either. That man sexually harasses at the slightest opportunity, he’s a hopeless man who creates opportunities even if you don’t give him any. Just sleeping together is bad enough, but getting into the bath together, naked, is absolutely unthinkable.」
So far Eris has never spoken ill of me in front of Yuel, but she’s making an exception now. With her strong sense of ethics, there’s no way Eris will allow a man and a young girl to enter the bath together. Well, it’s not like I haven’t thought that it’s getting to the point where we shouldn’t bathe together. I just haven’t said “let’s go in separately” because she’ll get that look in her eyes, like an abandoned puppy.
「M-Master is not that type of person!」
Master is that type of person. I can’t particularly deny it.
But Yuel rejects Eris’ allegations. Her tone is strong, and she’s trembling slightly. It’s obvious that she’s truly upset about her master being insulted.
Seeing the state that Yuel is in, Eris glowers at me.
She’s unable to crush Yuel’s misguided feelings of respect for her master, yet unable to allow such an indecent activity to occur. That’s why Eris is glaring at me for continuing to play the part of the ideal master in front of Yuel. So that’s how it is.
It can’t be helped. I’ll offer her some timely assistance.
「Everything will be settled if Eris joins us.」
「Don’t screw with me.」
Of course not.
「I-It was just a joke. Yuel and I will both wear towels. Look, in that case it wouldn’t matter, right?」

We’ll hide behind towels. That much should be good enough to placate Yuel and just barely permissible enough for Eris.
「Well, in that case…」
Eris begrudgingly assents. She clearly doesn’t want to, but she would hate for it to turn into a rehash of yesterday’s argument. I have a feeling that Eris is just as overprotective of Yuel as I am, in different ways.

We leave the bath without anything special happening like Yuel bumping into me and having her towel accidentally fall apart.
「Ah, Yuel, could you let Eris know that the bath is open?」
「Yes, Master!」
After I send Yuel to call Eris over, I return to the bathroom.
Then, I retrieve a large spider corpse from my item box. The kind you often find in the back of a cupboard.
I hide it behind the soap. In a place where you’ll end up touching it when you reach over. If someone who hates spiders reaches for the soap and screams upon suddenly feeling a spider, the other residents would surely be concerned for them.
…By the way, Eris hates spiders.
With a heart full of expectation, I leave the bathroom.